One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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