what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
