I feel like abortions should bother me more
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
