remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
