Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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