i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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