Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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