Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
should my penis look like a turkey
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
