I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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