I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
