The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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