So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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