That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
