She is in my trunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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