He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
