I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize