i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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