I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
