dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
