He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize