do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
