My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
