I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
