I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How external is "for external use only"?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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