i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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