this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
