At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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