she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
