I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
