I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
