If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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