Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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