Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
