i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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