i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
