i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
