Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
