the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
