barbara walters just said penis...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
