You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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