Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
