we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize