Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
