I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
