I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
