I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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