I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
