and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
