I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
