i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
