doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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