i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
