Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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