We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
