We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize