The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
