suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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