Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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