he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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