I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
