She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
