Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
