Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
