Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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