Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
