i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
