and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
