why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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