Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
