i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
