We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
