Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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