The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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