I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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