Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
