Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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