Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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