I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
