I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
