I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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