So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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