508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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