Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
