I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
