did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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