just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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