Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
