i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
