Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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