Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
