My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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