i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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