kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize