I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize