So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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