You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
