I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
