Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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