Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
