i already hear my dad disowning me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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