Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
